Trailers are meant for people who can leave their residence and take up residence somewhere else for a period of time. I thought I was one of those people.

12 years ago I bought an antiquated trailer at our church camp. It was 22 feet long and not in the best of shape but I was not discouraged. I made new curtains and new seat cushions. i transformed the 2 single beds into one queen size in the hopes that my husband would embrace the idea and we'd spend "quality" time there every summer. Besides my friend from childhood, Ruth, had a trailer just down the road and it was exciting to think of leaving the monotony of home and feeling the freedom of just being on my own.

We had wonderful times when I was there. Ruth would come down and kill all my spiders, making it a safe environment. We took trips into town to Mary Maxim and the little quaint shops or, on occasion, would head out to Port Dover for fish and chips or to the Demolition Derby at the Paris Fall Fair.

It was hard to do what I thought I could do. I had 3 daughters and 2 cats and I didn't feel good leaving any of them so I would head home, sometimes every day, just to make sure everyone was all right.

One Christmas Terry surprised me with an enclosed sunroom to enlarge the space and give us freedom from bugs. It was great.

As time went on I realized no one was sharing my love for the trailer. I could sit there all day, crochet, go for a walk, have a nap or read and be quite happy. But the energy that attracted me to Terry made it impossible for him to settle. He'd sleep there but always wanted to go somewhere through the day.

Then, 2 years ago he became ill in the summer and we missed a whole season. He relapsed the next summer and we missed another. Then this year I was determined to make a go of it. I cleaned it and decided on times that I thought we should go, but we didn't.

Two weeks ago Ruth moved out of the campground to a cottage up north. After much consideration I agreed it was time to let go and we put it up for sale. It hasn't sold yet but I hope it does. Someone should enjoy it. I still like the idea but the realities are very different.

Perhaps someday I'll have a place on the water, one of my other dreams, but until then we'll just plan a week here and a week there. There are lots of possibilities when you accept that plan.

It's Thursday and the house is now quiet. Tori, Sue and Geoff have gone home and my husband, Terry, is watching Wheel of Fortune. Sugar, my cat, sits beside my laptop waiting for an opportunity to climb onto the keyboard, so I'll notice him.

It's summer but the evenings are getting cooler so I know Fall is on the way. Did I miss Summer? Is this a trick? Only the neighbour's lawn mower is answering.

School starts in another 11 days, without me. I don't know how I feel about that. It's been my routine for 40 years and now I have all this time to myself. I like retirement, don't misunderstand. It's the sense of loss of identity that's the issue. I had great plans for retirement, assuming that the money and energy would continue but that was a mean trick too. Now I spend my days sewing (for Christmas no less), crocheting, making "healthy" meals, painting and keeping up with the mundane tasks of a house. The trips have never materialized, as much my fault as anyone's, and the lunches out with friends... well that hasn't happened either.

But September approaches and I'm determined to be more active, make more trips to Barrie to see my daughters, son-in-law and my gorgeous grandbabies. I've even thought about taking swimming lessons.

Whatever the Fall brings, I'm ready for it. Maybe the cooler weather will inspire me .... or maybe not.